Friday, December 22, 2006
Have a happy festive season
Have yourself a very merry festive season, smile often, laugh loud and honestly and never be afraid to have fun!
Friday, December 08, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
How to prevent having to go shopping with your wife ever again!
Proof of what can happen if a wife drags her husband along to go shopping.
Dear Mrs. Murray,
Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.
MEMO Re: Mr. Wayne Murray - Complaints -
15 Things Mr. Wayne Murry has done while his spouse is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,"Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay by.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8.September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the"Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practised his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And; last, but not least!
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Dear Mrs. Murray,
Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.
MEMO Re: Mr. Wayne Murray - Complaints -
15 Things Mr. Wayne Murry has done while his spouse is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,"Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay by.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8.September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the"Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practised his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And; last, but not least!
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Friday, December 01, 2006
Viva 30 +
THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN...
... Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes.
This is for all you girls 30 years and over....
Andy Rooney says:As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game,she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They Always Know.
A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a Jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage .
... Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes.
This is for all you girls 30 years and over....
and for those who are turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's...
AND for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!!
Andy Rooney says:As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game,she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They Always Know.
A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a Jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage .
Back at last
Haven't posted for a while, there's just been soooooo much going on. I've gotten quite a couple of flame mails from people becuz I haven't posted for so long. Don't you guys have anything better to do than to read my silly ramblings?
My oldest and dearest friend had a baby. She is so tiny she buys her clothes at the kiddies department, which of course, has led to a lot of friendships ending: she's a mayor babe and she is a great person to top it all off with, so she is irrisistable to guys. This has caused many a breakup of hopeful suiters who where supposedly in functional relationship. In her defense and to her compliment, she NEVER fell for it.
Great gal, only person I know that actually had a PLANNED pregnancy :o) So TB, congrats on the little guy, he is absolutely beautiful, just like his parents.
On my front - I met someone. Can u handle it?!?! I'm not going to spill too much about him now, still a bit careful about how much I divulge about this, he seems to be serious, gave me an engagement ring and all that. I'm not sure yet, been burned to many times before to completely be hopelessly in love. I'm sure that it sucks for him, but if he wants me so bad he will put up with a little of my shit I'm sure?
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Never Argue with a Woman
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am.
What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. "I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you, " says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. "I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you, " says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Cape Town, South Africa
Cape Town From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Cape Town is a city on the coast of South Africa so called because the wearing of capes or cloaks is compulsory within the city limits. Founded by Batman on his way to Melbourne from Holland in 1652. Cape Town is also called "The mother city", believed to be due to the highly expressive vocabulary of the local dialect (in which the words "your mother" feature regularly) and the cheap and nasty (but potent) local wine A different school of thought believes the origin of the name lies in the fact that it takes 9 months to do anything in this sleepy hollow.
Cape Town is situated on a sandbar under Table Mountain (so called because unlike most mountains, it is flat) at the bottom end of Africa , on a peninsula that is often thought of as Africa 's wang. By comparison, North America's wang, Florida , is longer, thicker and is less flaccid. Interestingly, Europe's 'wang' is Italy, and is in fact larger, longer and thicker than North America's, and as such has often been confused for a 'boot'. This is possibly the result of a vicious smear campaign started by insecure (and no doubt less well-endowed) American GI's who went to Italy during the 1940's in droves, presumably to eat pizza with fried eggs & bacon before Pizza Hut was available in their own country.
Cape Town became famous for the first sucessful heart transplant operation at its "Great Skewer" Hospital by Christian Barnyard, where a black man kindly donated his heart to a white man. And so the medical professionals decided to branch out into other trail-blazing forms of transplant. Despite many, many attempts at brain transplants these have been unsuccessful in managing to transfer an entire human brain. Only a very small fraction of brain has been successfully transferred, resulting in Afrikaans people.
Cape Town is neither as wealthy or as large as Johannesburg , so the inhabitants compensate with a superior attitude based on the claim that they were there first. Which none of them personally were, unless they are over 300 years old.
It is socially unacceptable for a Capetonian to talk to people that they hav not previously talked to, which severely limits social interactions. If the opportunity should somehow present itself, a traditional Cape Town greeting is "Jou ma se poes", often abbreviated to "Jou ma", which means, roughly "Good day and good health to you and your good mother, sir!"
"Robin Island", in the bay, was named after Batman 's faithful sidekick. Later it was renamed "Robbin' Island" and used as a jail, like Alcatraz but with colder water around it and more sharks in it. Nelson Mandela was imprisoned here for over 50 years, after being convicted of charges of failing to respect Prime Minister Koos van der Merwe's authority, and being black in a public place.
In 1994 , after the revolution, it became legal to be black in a public place in Cape Town, but severe inequality still persists due to the fact that the white people still have most of the money, the best land, and big shiny German cars. Efforts to redress this historical imbalance are progressing well, particularly the "muggem" initiative.
Urban hazards include roaming lions , hyenas, crocodiles, the occasional hippopotamus in the rivers, great white sharks , agressive street vendors, tigers , three-headed giant mutant wombats and the locals. Watch out for endemic HIV , tuberculosis and leprosy.
Popular sports are homosexuality, pretentiousness, drunk driving , Pole-vaulting, French dressing and Mexican standoffs. The summer sport of setting fire to the mountainside is more popular with tourists than with locals, though all enjoy the cheerful spectacle of the flames and smoke. It is compulsory for all tourists to leave Cape Town with at least one wooden curio in the shape of a giraffe .
Industries are growing the cash crops of wine and marijuana , making mousetraps, drug abuse, watching paint dry, crime and mugging tourists (not generally considered to be a crime). Cape Town holds the record as the site of the largest car park in Cape Town.
Since 2006, the town council of Cape Town has embraced an "Amishisation " policy, and has turned it's back on the use of electricity, declaring it a decadent bourgeous luxury. Electricity is slowly being phased out in a series of "power cuts", and it is to be replaced by the use of candles, paraffin lamps and fires for illumination and sing-alongs for entertainment.
Tourist attractions in Cape Town Cape Town is the first place to boast an Invisible Bridge. However, the bridge is currently not in use as the city council refused to believe the claims of the construction company when they informed the council that they had developed a new building material which was stronger than steel but could not be seen by the human eye. The city council is said to have likened the bridge fiasco to "the Emporers New clothes" and claimed it was probably an ANC plot to kill whites. The contractors again attempted to convince the new post-apartheid city council of the bridge's existence but their official response was "Eish! I em not knowing what ees theees theeeng eees!"
Roads Memorial celebrates the fact that Cape Town is where roads were invented. This delightfully done by means of a momument which includes important tools to road-making such as lions, a man with a horse and some dude's head.
Bergies are Cape Town's world famous mountaineers who live on table mountain and often come down into the city to welcome foreigners with the traditional Capetonian greeting of "Jou maaaa se poooooes!"
Gesuipte dronk ma se vrot kak bitch poes voetsak jou naai These are the words my mother used to say to me just before I left for school each morning.
Jy's uit jou ma se gat gebore want haar poes was te besig An old Cape vernacular saying, indicating respect for the receiver's mother's tireless efforts in raising her children.
Cape Town is a city on the coast of South Africa so called because the wearing of capes or cloaks is compulsory within the city limits. Founded by Batman on his way to Melbourne from Holland in 1652. Cape Town is also called "The mother city", believed to be due to the highly expressive vocabulary of the local dialect (in which the words "your mother" feature regularly) and the cheap and nasty (but potent) local wine A different school of thought believes the origin of the name lies in the fact that it takes 9 months to do anything in this sleepy hollow.
Cape Town is situated on a sandbar under Table Mountain (so called because unlike most mountains, it is flat) at the bottom end of Africa , on a peninsula that is often thought of as Africa 's wang. By comparison, North America's wang, Florida , is longer, thicker and is less flaccid. Interestingly, Europe's 'wang' is Italy, and is in fact larger, longer and thicker than North America's, and as such has often been confused for a 'boot'. This is possibly the result of a vicious smear campaign started by insecure (and no doubt less well-endowed) American GI's who went to Italy during the 1940's in droves, presumably to eat pizza with fried eggs & bacon before Pizza Hut was available in their own country.
Cape Town became famous for the first sucessful heart transplant operation at its "Great Skewer" Hospital by Christian Barnyard, where a black man kindly donated his heart to a white man. And so the medical professionals decided to branch out into other trail-blazing forms of transplant. Despite many, many attempts at brain transplants these have been unsuccessful in managing to transfer an entire human brain. Only a very small fraction of brain has been successfully transferred, resulting in Afrikaans people.
Cape Town is neither as wealthy or as large as Johannesburg , so the inhabitants compensate with a superior attitude based on the claim that they were there first. Which none of them personally were, unless they are over 300 years old.
It is socially unacceptable for a Capetonian to talk to people that they hav not previously talked to, which severely limits social interactions. If the opportunity should somehow present itself, a traditional Cape Town greeting is "Jou ma se poes", often abbreviated to "Jou ma", which means, roughly "Good day and good health to you and your good mother, sir!"
"Robin Island", in the bay, was named after Batman 's faithful sidekick. Later it was renamed "Robbin' Island" and used as a jail, like Alcatraz but with colder water around it and more sharks in it. Nelson Mandela was imprisoned here for over 50 years, after being convicted of charges of failing to respect Prime Minister Koos van der Merwe's authority, and being black in a public place.
In 1994 , after the revolution, it became legal to be black in a public place in Cape Town, but severe inequality still persists due to the fact that the white people still have most of the money, the best land, and big shiny German cars. Efforts to redress this historical imbalance are progressing well, particularly the "muggem" initiative.
Urban hazards include roaming lions , hyenas, crocodiles, the occasional hippopotamus in the rivers, great white sharks , agressive street vendors, tigers , three-headed giant mutant wombats and the locals. Watch out for endemic HIV , tuberculosis and leprosy.
Popular sports are homosexuality, pretentiousness, drunk driving , Pole-vaulting, French dressing and Mexican standoffs. The summer sport of setting fire to the mountainside is more popular with tourists than with locals, though all enjoy the cheerful spectacle of the flames and smoke. It is compulsory for all tourists to leave Cape Town with at least one wooden curio in the shape of a giraffe .
Industries are growing the cash crops of wine and marijuana , making mousetraps, drug abuse, watching paint dry, crime and mugging tourists (not generally considered to be a crime). Cape Town holds the record as the site of the largest car park in Cape Town.
Since 2006, the town council of Cape Town has embraced an "Amishisation " policy, and has turned it's back on the use of electricity, declaring it a decadent bourgeous luxury. Electricity is slowly being phased out in a series of "power cuts", and it is to be replaced by the use of candles, paraffin lamps and fires for illumination and sing-alongs for entertainment.
Tourist attractions in Cape Town Cape Town is the first place to boast an Invisible Bridge. However, the bridge is currently not in use as the city council refused to believe the claims of the construction company when they informed the council that they had developed a new building material which was stronger than steel but could not be seen by the human eye. The city council is said to have likened the bridge fiasco to "the Emporers New clothes" and claimed it was probably an ANC plot to kill whites. The contractors again attempted to convince the new post-apartheid city council of the bridge's existence but their official response was "Eish! I em not knowing what ees theees theeeng eees!"
Roads Memorial celebrates the fact that Cape Town is where roads were invented. This delightfully done by means of a momument which includes important tools to road-making such as lions, a man with a horse and some dude's head.
Bergies are Cape Town's world famous mountaineers who live on table mountain and often come down into the city to welcome foreigners with the traditional Capetonian greeting of "Jou maaaa se poooooes!"
Gesuipte dronk ma se vrot kak bitch poes voetsak jou naai These are the words my mother used to say to me just before I left for school each morning.
Jy's uit jou ma se gat gebore want haar poes was te besig An old Cape vernacular saying, indicating respect for the receiver's mother's tireless efforts in raising her children.
Out of the office suggestion messages.
- I am currently away from my desk, beating my head against the wall. Your message will be replied to once I have reached a level of numbness sufficient to cloud my vision to the point I am able to formulate a response to your request.
- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out ofthe office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
- I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return on April 1st. Please be patient and your Mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
- Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
- The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
- Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
- I've run away to join a different circus.
- I will be out of the office for the next 4 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Martha' instead of 'Martin.'
- I am currently out of the office, without access to email. I will return to the office in 6 months, 3 months with good behavior.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
A lil' bit of baby
I've always wondered what babies think.... another great mystery solved!
This is just too precious and beautiful not to post!
You are what you eat?
Some foodies are the same all over the world! 
Or in this case: you are what your parents feed you. We all know that China and Japan are well-know for their 'unique' choices in meat - seems like they start them young!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Coincidence
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me. I'm celebrating."
" This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me. I'm celebrating."
" This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"
Priceless
| A husbands nightmare... A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bath room door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it." |
Monday, September 11, 2006
Isn't it ironic?
Name: Jonathan Rhys-Meyers
1st movie of his that I saw: Matchpoint
Read on to find the irony of this...
One of my favourite boyfriends looked JUST like this, they could've been twins! It was a sad break-up for both of us, but I jokingly said to him that I am sure he will turn out to be a criminal, cause he's such a wise-ass.
Sad thing is, I was right. :o( He is currently serving out a sentence for dealing. If I knew which prison, I'd go see him, but I have no way of knowing. Breaks my heart to think of him behind bars, he's actually a good guy, who got sucked into the wrong crowd out of sheer desperation.
I think he's a babe, note, the only one of my perv's (so far) that's got blue eyes :o) He's yummy isn't he?!
Friday, September 08, 2006
The down side of being a wise-ass
Beautiful justice!!! They say you should never discuss your religion and politics with strangers, here's a good example of why not:
A man was driving around at 1.00am alone in his car and got to a checkpoint.
The obviously soaked police man stopped him and him for license, registration, identity document, marriage certificate and any and all other related documents. Frustrated, the police man took all the documentation, read it through and had nothing to charge the man on.
The policeman had run out of question and in order to charge the man he made up a charge: "I charge you for driving alone at this time of the day, if you happen to get an accident now, who is going to tell your people?"
The man replied: "I'm not alone, Jesus Christ is with me here, Angel Gabriel, Angel Raphael, Angel Michael and five angels are with me here."
The Police man said: "All these people inside this small car of yours? I charge you for overloading."
Thursday, September 07, 2006
I had a great dream last night
I sure as shit didn't want to wake up! I dreamt that Robert, see pics & comments below, and I were dating. Yeah, I know, wishful thinking...
He still had his drug problem, BUT I helped him through it all and we were really happy. You know the type of dream that you have when you wake up feeling really great and all happy and then you realise it was just a dream and then want to jump off the roof of the nearest high rise?
I know why I had such a stupid dream: a friend of mine is going through a really rough time with her husband and drugs. Her pain takes my breath away and I can't help but feel helpless, there is nothing I can do to help her.
All the sad shit nothwithstanding, I woke up this morning, nuts over Rob, pretty much the same as with Jack Sparrow, once again a safe and totally unrealistic crush. In my life, being in total love like a teenager with someone that will never-ever realise it is pretty sheltered, which is just te way I like it. It is the same as having crush on one of your school teachers, perfectly harmless and loads of fun. I can dream whatever I want and fantasise about how mindblowing the relationship will be, absolute love and absolute trust and not run the risk of getting hurt. How great is that??!
Yes, indeed, he has tattoos - I only found out this morning when I was doing research and downloading some perv material. Figures though - I've always been a sucker for tattoo's. And look, he's got a body to die for, look at those trenches. Lordy, lordy, lordy.... sigh, if only...
The only person I know that can make a prison uniform look this good. Holy shit, it's finally happened - I've gone completely bonkers! But hell, he's still a babe.
He is such a gentleman! He is touching her so gently and damnit, I wish it was me. I haven't gone so far as to superimpose my head on the picture, but maybe that's not a bad idea. I can always put it in a picture frame at home and pretend. Tell all my friends that I am now dating ;o)
This is precisely what he will look like when I'm done, dishevelled and smiling from ear to ear!
Look at how sweet he is, he wears his wedding ring. So few men do that. This picture makes me wonder what is going through his mind, other than coke of course, see I do know his faults, but I'm sure I'll forgive him anything!!
What is it in him that I find so palatable? Those smouldering brown eyes, I prefer dark men, don't really do well with the blondes. His mouth (stop being perverted) he has a natural 'upcurl' on his mouth on all the pictures that were taken while he was in relationships and all those that were taken during the bad times, you can see in his eyes and in those gorgeous lips that he is in pain. So few men are able to show their emotions and he is one of them, judging by what I've read and seen.
Difference between this crush and the Jack Sparrow one is that I've seen all of his movies and in reality, he is the best actor in our generation. He takes all his roles seriously and pulls it off with grace and style. His work is completely underrated. He is a brilliant actor. Then again, I might be just a little predjudice?
Personal favourite's: Kiss, kiss, bang, bang ; Chaplin (if he wasn't the actor, I wouldn't have managed to sit through it) and of course who can forget him in Ally McBeal.
So when you have a drink tonight, toast him, he deserves it, he's come a long way!
He still had his drug problem, BUT I helped him through it all and we were really happy. You know the type of dream that you have when you wake up feeling really great and all happy and then you realise it was just a dream and then want to jump off the roof of the nearest high rise?
I know why I had such a stupid dream: a friend of mine is going through a really rough time with her husband and drugs. Her pain takes my breath away and I can't help but feel helpless, there is nothing I can do to help her.
All the sad shit nothwithstanding, I woke up this morning, nuts over Rob, pretty much the same as with Jack Sparrow, once again a safe and totally unrealistic crush. In my life, being in total love like a teenager with someone that will never-ever realise it is pretty sheltered, which is just te way I like it. It is the same as having crush on one of your school teachers, perfectly harmless and loads of fun. I can dream whatever I want and fantasise about how mindblowing the relationship will be, absolute love and absolute trust and not run the risk of getting hurt. How great is that??!
Yes, indeed, he has tattoos - I only found out this morning when I was doing research and downloading some perv material. Figures though - I've always been a sucker for tattoo's. And look, he's got a body to die for, look at those trenches. Lordy, lordy, lordy.... sigh, if only...
The only person I know that can make a prison uniform look this good. Holy shit, it's finally happened - I've gone completely bonkers! But hell, he's still a babe.
He is such a gentleman! He is touching her so gently and damnit, I wish it was me. I haven't gone so far as to superimpose my head on the picture, but maybe that's not a bad idea. I can always put it in a picture frame at home and pretend. Tell all my friends that I am now dating ;o)
This is precisely what he will look like when I'm done, dishevelled and smiling from ear to ear!
Look at how sweet he is, he wears his wedding ring. So few men do that. This picture makes me wonder what is going through his mind, other than coke of course, see I do know his faults, but I'm sure I'll forgive him anything!!What is it in him that I find so palatable? Those smouldering brown eyes, I prefer dark men, don't really do well with the blondes. His mouth (stop being perverted) he has a natural 'upcurl' on his mouth on all the pictures that were taken while he was in relationships and all those that were taken during the bad times, you can see in his eyes and in those gorgeous lips that he is in pain. So few men are able to show their emotions and he is one of them, judging by what I've read and seen.
Difference between this crush and the Jack Sparrow one is that I've seen all of his movies and in reality, he is the best actor in our generation. He takes all his roles seriously and pulls it off with grace and style. His work is completely underrated. He is a brilliant actor. Then again, I might be just a little predjudice?
Personal favourite's: Kiss, kiss, bang, bang ; Chaplin (if he wasn't the actor, I wouldn't have managed to sit through it) and of course who can forget him in Ally McBeal.
So when you have a drink tonight, toast him, he deserves it, he's come a long way!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Shortcut to intensive care
The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband:
"Buy me a surprise for my birthday!", she said." Something that accelerates
from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!"
"Of course Darling" said her husband.
"Buy me a surprise for my birthday!", she said." Something that accelerates
from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!"
"Of course Darling" said her husband.
Happy and excited she was counting down the days for her birthday.
And finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully
bought.
Apparently he is still in hospital...
And finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully
bought.
Apparently he is still in hospital...
Sad but true
Before you all start flaming me: I know they won by one point on Saturday, but it's a question of too little too late. I wish someone would explain to me what the hell is going on in SA Rugby, cause I sure as shit don't get it.
Some of you might think I'm daft cause I don't get it, but then those that think I'm daft obviously aren't true supporters and don't have a CLUE what rugby's all about. It's a passion, not a sport. True for players and supporters!
Some of you might think I'm daft cause I don't get it, but then those that think I'm daft obviously aren't true supporters and don't have a CLUE what rugby's all about. It's a passion, not a sport. True for players and supporters!
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Compulsory Classes
FALL CLASSES FOR MEN
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, August 28, 2010
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Classes begin Monday, September 4, 2006
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesday at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesday at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours ! Beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesday at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
And now one that I will personally present:
Class 15
Being Faithful: The art of monogamy.
Live demonstration of how your balls will be removed with a spoon when you are unfaithful. Subject to completion of all couses above. Every Sunday 8 - 3 pm
(since I watch sport on Fridays and Saturdays)
Dear Mom,
I'm going in for, what I've been told via a friend, is a mayor operation on the 13th of September and then no more driving for 6 weeks, which in my life is SWEET. No more geting up before the sun's up, no more screaming for the kids to get dressed and ready or else I'm going to be late for work etc., this lovely chore has been divided between my Mom, her husband and my little sis.
The more mornings Mom has to do, the better. Everytime the kids do something impossible or really naughty she sits back, laughs and says : "Payback is SWEET! " One would swear that lil' old me was difficult to raise....
So, Mom, as I'm always telling you: karma works both ways. You didn't hink you were gonna get away with all those laughs did ya?
Remember that I laughed at you with lunges? What did I get in return: three days with malfunctioning legs! BUT I've risen above that and can now do lunges with weights (only just...)
Mom, you're right: payback will be sweet and thanks for offering to help
:o)
The more mornings Mom has to do, the better. Everytime the kids do something impossible or really naughty she sits back, laughs and says : "Payback is SWEET! " One would swear that lil' old me was difficult to raise....
So, Mom, as I'm always telling you: karma works both ways. You didn't hink you were gonna get away with all those laughs did ya?
Remember that I laughed at you with lunges? What did I get in return: three days with malfunctioning legs! BUT I've risen above that and can now do lunges with weights (only just...)
Mom, you're right: payback will be sweet and thanks for offering to help
:o)
Guilllable?!!
| If this story doesn't make you cry from laughing so hard, let me know and we'll send someone right over to check your pulse. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Darling, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, Vaseline and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in. |
Bitter Break-ups (Is there any other kind??)
No accusations of one-sidedness cynisism: there's one for the boys too...
Friday, September 01, 2006
Classics
These are all 'old' jokes, but that doesn't make them any less brilliant and in some cases exceptionally close to reality!!
I'm assuming that these guys aren't newly weds anymore. I know a couple of wives that deserve an add like this!!
I think we can all relate. On a Friday there is a contagious laziness around all offices, maybe your body knows it needs to take it easy on Friday to survive the punishment that you intend to inflict on it the rest of the weekend?
I love this one, this dude is brilliant and I think he should mass produce these... on the other hand, maybe not, this is uniquely hillarious!
Hence the reason I can't get married - I don't have a club, a spade or a garden to bury him in.
Australia on immigration. Who'd want to live there anyway? They are all a bunch of criminals, origins of Australia is it was a land that all criminals were banned to, so all Australians that have a bloodline that stems FROM Aus, has the potential and talents required to become a convicted criminal. And they have George Gregan, if the just export him, I would gladly say nice things about their country. ( you realise this entire rant is cause they kicked the Springboks' asses in the Tri-Nations and probably will kick our asses in any other rugby match that we attempt to play..)
See, this is what I love about kids, the honesty and simple way of expressing exactly what they need and want.
Saved the best for last: Oh my God, could this be any funnier? Sick, but then again, it fits right in with the disgusting type of humor that makes me who I am. Whoever made that sign: Dude, that was brilliant!!
I'm assuming that these guys aren't newly weds anymore. I know a couple of wives that deserve an add like this!!
I think we can all relate. On a Friday there is a contagious laziness around all offices, maybe your body knows it needs to take it easy on Friday to survive the punishment that you intend to inflict on it the rest of the weekend?
I love this one, this dude is brilliant and I think he should mass produce these... on the other hand, maybe not, this is uniquely hillarious!
Hence the reason I can't get married - I don't have a club, a spade or a garden to bury him in.
Australia on immigration. Who'd want to live there anyway? They are all a bunch of criminals, origins of Australia is it was a land that all criminals were banned to, so all Australians that have a bloodline that stems FROM Aus, has the potential and talents required to become a convicted criminal. And they have George Gregan, if the just export him, I would gladly say nice things about their country. ( you realise this entire rant is cause they kicked the Springboks' asses in the Tri-Nations and probably will kick our asses in any other rugby match that we attempt to play..)
See, this is what I love about kids, the honesty and simple way of expressing exactly what they need and want.
Saved the best for last: Oh my God, could this be any funnier? Sick, but then again, it fits right in with the disgusting type of humor that makes me who I am. Whoever made that sign: Dude, that was brilliant!!
Why you should NEVER take your husband shopping
This is an old one, but since I am doing 'classics' today, I had to post it. I've read it over and over and it still makes me laugh every time!!
Mrs. Fenton,
Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with
us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses
over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.
MEMO
Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done
while his spouse/partner is shopping:
Mrs. Fenton,
Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with
us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses
over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.
MEMO
Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done
while his spouse/partner is shopping:
- June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
- July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
- July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
- July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
- August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
- September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
- September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
- September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
- October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and proceeded to pick his nose.
- November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
- December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
- December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
- December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
- December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!) - December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Continental Difference
My Boeta (the one that does CPR on broken bikes) lives in Canada. He's been there for way too long now. He is one of the bravest people I know. He thrived on being South-African: loved to braai, have a couple of cold ones with his buddies, watch rugby and get as emotional about it as us girls get about a soppy movie and I can honestly say that he is just an all around good guy.
I miss him terribly, more often than not, I wish that he was still a 5 minute drive away from me. When I miss him so much there is NOTHING in this world that can cheer me up. The only thing would be a hug from him and neither of us have the means to travel over 7 continents to get a hug in.
He is living there without any support system. Our entire family is in SA and him, his wife and three girls are alone over there. I think when times are bad it isn't so hard to be that far away, that's just how it works in our wonderfully disfunctional family. When the shit hits the fan we avoid seeing anybody and that, of course, causes everyone to KNOW that something is not right and then your have your doorstep abused by family....
My opinion in the matter is that it is at times of celebration that you miss your family and friends the most. Speaking from my own experience: when Abby was born my Mom was in Canada and that was, to me, worse not have her there when this little angel came into my life than it was when Mom wasn't here when she died.
Boeta has been really quiet over the e-mail waves, so I am assuming that there is something going on that he is hard on him. If I owned a house, this would be the time to take out a second morgage and fly his entire family back to good ol' SA for a holiday.
What you need to understand about Boeta is his inherent ability to always see the good in people and his naive stubborness to not accept that there are some scaly buggers out there. Because he has a heart of gold and there is always more space available for another person to fit into it, he has left a gap in our family that no-one will ever be able to fill. He was the one I went to when I felt like there was no good left in the world. He has the ability to always make all of us laugh, even just by dropping a one line e-mail he's able to make us giggle. He just has a way with words and he's as sharp as a brand new minora blade.
He's lived through more tough times than I would wish on my worst enemy, but he ALWAYS comes up smiling and that gave the rest of us hope. He taught me so many life lessons, without which I would 've given up on myself and a whole heap of other people, and that is yet another thing that I miss about him. I don't know a single person that has crossed his path that he hasn't infected with his natural enthusiasm and ability to make the best of even the most hair raising experiences.
He's as gentle as a puppy, which is why this e-mail makes me think about him everytime that I recieve it. Understand clearly - I'm not implying that he is not a dog, at least not in this post, although he has been seen sniffing around other bitches that are in heat...., but he has taken all the lessons that this puppy-mail offers and made it a part of his life and as I said, he is infectious with these lesson, because that is just the way he has always been, he doesn't have to force it or fake it, it comes naturally!
I am grateful to have him in my live and wish that I could thank him in person, big hug and cold pint included, for being who he is and more than that: for always caring more about all of us more than he cared for himself and making sacrifices to help us when in actual fact, he was the one that needed help more than we did at times. BY doing that he taught us to not be selfish, leading by example and not be being judgemental. He is the sweetest person I know and I respect all the sacrifices he's had to make to keep his girls and his family from falling apart, even when it seemed, and I'm sure it sometimes still does, that he gave up so much for them. He has never complained or held a grudge for what it took for and from him to take them to a place where they would have a better chance of making a success of their lives.
I know, deep down, he misses homesoil like a mother misses a child that has passed on, yet no-one ever gets to hear it from his own mouth. I wish I could be there for him like he's always been there for me, but since I can't, I have forever immortalised him in this blog.
Thanks for being such a great example of how to enjoy the simplest things in life and on how to cherish what you DO have as opposed to focussing on what you don't have. You're the greatest and I love and miss you terribly.
I miss him terribly, more often than not, I wish that he was still a 5 minute drive away from me. When I miss him so much there is NOTHING in this world that can cheer me up. The only thing would be a hug from him and neither of us have the means to travel over 7 continents to get a hug in.
He is living there without any support system. Our entire family is in SA and him, his wife and three girls are alone over there. I think when times are bad it isn't so hard to be that far away, that's just how it works in our wonderfully disfunctional family. When the shit hits the fan we avoid seeing anybody and that, of course, causes everyone to KNOW that something is not right and then your have your doorstep abused by family....
My opinion in the matter is that it is at times of celebration that you miss your family and friends the most. Speaking from my own experience: when Abby was born my Mom was in Canada and that was, to me, worse not have her there when this little angel came into my life than it was when Mom wasn't here when she died.
Boeta has been really quiet over the e-mail waves, so I am assuming that there is something going on that he is hard on him. If I owned a house, this would be the time to take out a second morgage and fly his entire family back to good ol' SA for a holiday.
What you need to understand about Boeta is his inherent ability to always see the good in people and his naive stubborness to not accept that there are some scaly buggers out there. Because he has a heart of gold and there is always more space available for another person to fit into it, he has left a gap in our family that no-one will ever be able to fill. He was the one I went to when I felt like there was no good left in the world. He has the ability to always make all of us laugh, even just by dropping a one line e-mail he's able to make us giggle. He just has a way with words and he's as sharp as a brand new minora blade.
He's lived through more tough times than I would wish on my worst enemy, but he ALWAYS comes up smiling and that gave the rest of us hope. He taught me so many life lessons, without which I would 've given up on myself and a whole heap of other people, and that is yet another thing that I miss about him. I don't know a single person that has crossed his path that he hasn't infected with his natural enthusiasm and ability to make the best of even the most hair raising experiences.
He's as gentle as a puppy, which is why this e-mail makes me think about him everytime that I recieve it. Understand clearly - I'm not implying that he is not a dog, at least not in this post, although he has been seen sniffing around other bitches that are in heat...., but he has taken all the lessons that this puppy-mail offers and made it a part of his life and as I said, he is infectious with these lesson, because that is just the way he has always been, he doesn't have to force it or fake it, it comes naturally!
"If dogs were our teachers....
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience .
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps. They're good for you.
Stretch frequently.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On hot days, drink lots of water (beer) and lie under a shady tree (in front of the TV & watch sport).
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body [or just share with someone - then have a beer :o) ].
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout...just run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be Loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want what lies buried, dig until you find it.
And finally, when someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently."
I am grateful to have him in my live and wish that I could thank him in person, big hug and cold pint included, for being who he is and more than that: for always caring more about all of us more than he cared for himself and making sacrifices to help us when in actual fact, he was the one that needed help more than we did at times. BY doing that he taught us to not be selfish, leading by example and not be being judgemental. He is the sweetest person I know and I respect all the sacrifices he's had to make to keep his girls and his family from falling apart, even when it seemed, and I'm sure it sometimes still does, that he gave up so much for them. He has never complained or held a grudge for what it took for and from him to take them to a place where they would have a better chance of making a success of their lives.
I know, deep down, he misses homesoil like a mother misses a child that has passed on, yet no-one ever gets to hear it from his own mouth. I wish I could be there for him like he's always been there for me, but since I can't, I have forever immortalised him in this blog.
Thanks for being such a great example of how to enjoy the simplest things in life and on how to cherish what you DO have as opposed to focussing on what you don't have. You're the greatest and I love and miss you terribly.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
New form of TORTURE
Right. Let's start living healthier and exercising, because the girls are getting boobies now and with that comes a roundness of the hips and the bum and the belly that wasn't there 6 months ago. Me trying to be the good Mum, realising that if my mom had known about this with me she probably would've done something likewise for me, we started exercising.
We started off with 10 push-ups, 10 legstretches, 10 leglifts, 10 belly exercises and 10 exercises that are supposed the minimise the size of your love handles. Everything is going famously, we moved up from 10 to 15 and then to 20 of each, not missing one routine - every morning and every night. I know, it doesn't sound impressive, but keep in mind I haven't had an exercise program since I was 18 (I'm now 31).
Between the years of 18 and 31 my idea of exercise was SENSORED, walking to the loo, the kitchen, doing washing and watching reality shows on TV (I get really involved and pissed off, so that HAS to burn some energy, right?). I've been fine with the exercises we've been doing, getting tired sure, but not feeling as though I'm going to die. I even began enjoying it....
...and then came my sis, ( I now understand why she is PERFECT for her study direction: LAW, you know how it goes: what do you call a dead attorney at the bottom of the ocean? A good start! I think I might just comply before she graduates!!) and her shitty idea. "Let me show you how to do lunges, they are very effective for your bum and pretty much your entire leg." So she showed us, didn't look like a biggy, we have, after all gotten into our routine already so this should be a piece of cake.
What is a lunge? A WAY TO TORTURE PERFECTLY INNOCENT PEOPLE!!!!! I have no idea why she hates us so much... I would rather be put into the infamous 'Iron Maiden' from the middle ages than 'lunge' again!
Holy shit - I can't get up from my chair, by the time I manage to drag my body upwards, my smoke break is over and 15 minutes of my day is gone. I am sure that there are new muscles in my ass and legs, because I HAVE to have torn the ones that I had to be in this much pain.
For those of you who don't know how it works: you take a giant step, legs bended at the knees, back leg, about 5cm off the floor, hands by your sides and body straight with your hands at your sides. Imagine Hitler's soldiers marching, but instead of lifting your leg high in front of you, you bend it almost to the ground behind you. You walk like this. Sounds easy enough, right? It is easy, but by the 10th step that you've taken, you will relate to why I compare it to Hitler. Lemme tell you, those soldiers had it easy!
Words that come to mind about the pain I'm in today: Excruciating, Tremendous, Unbelievable, Inexplicable and this one I could never understand in relation to the words pain, but now I do: Exquisite.
Do not try this, you will WANT to die, the very same night and the next morning you will need one of those lifts above your bed that can gently ease you into the wheelchair that you're gonna wish you had!
We started off with 10 push-ups, 10 legstretches, 10 leglifts, 10 belly exercises and 10 exercises that are supposed the minimise the size of your love handles. Everything is going famously, we moved up from 10 to 15 and then to 20 of each, not missing one routine - every morning and every night. I know, it doesn't sound impressive, but keep in mind I haven't had an exercise program since I was 18 (I'm now 31).
Between the years of 18 and 31 my idea of exercise was SENSORED, walking to the loo, the kitchen, doing washing and watching reality shows on TV (I get really involved and pissed off, so that HAS to burn some energy, right?). I've been fine with the exercises we've been doing, getting tired sure, but not feeling as though I'm going to die. I even began enjoying it....
...and then came my sis, ( I now understand why she is PERFECT for her study direction: LAW, you know how it goes: what do you call a dead attorney at the bottom of the ocean? A good start! I think I might just comply before she graduates!!) and her shitty idea. "Let me show you how to do lunges, they are very effective for your bum and pretty much your entire leg." So she showed us, didn't look like a biggy, we have, after all gotten into our routine already so this should be a piece of cake.
What is a lunge? A WAY TO TORTURE PERFECTLY INNOCENT PEOPLE!!!!! I have no idea why she hates us so much... I would rather be put into the infamous 'Iron Maiden' from the middle ages than 'lunge' again!
Holy shit - I can't get up from my chair, by the time I manage to drag my body upwards, my smoke break is over and 15 minutes of my day is gone. I am sure that there are new muscles in my ass and legs, because I HAVE to have torn the ones that I had to be in this much pain.
For those of you who don't know how it works: you take a giant step, legs bended at the knees, back leg, about 5cm off the floor, hands by your sides and body straight with your hands at your sides. Imagine Hitler's soldiers marching, but instead of lifting your leg high in front of you, you bend it almost to the ground behind you. You walk like this. Sounds easy enough, right? It is easy, but by the 10th step that you've taken, you will relate to why I compare it to Hitler. Lemme tell you, those soldiers had it easy!
Words that come to mind about the pain I'm in today: Excruciating, Tremendous, Unbelievable, Inexplicable and this one I could never understand in relation to the words pain, but now I do: Exquisite.
Do not try this, you will WANT to die, the very same night and the next morning you will need one of those lifts above your bed that can gently ease you into the wheelchair that you're gonna wish you had!
Monday, August 21, 2006
Some more pics to choose from
Yes, I know I've been posting a lot of kisses. Just want to make the reason for this very clear: a kiss is sometimes more intimate than sex, which is why I am so pissed off with the cow from Pirates of the Caribbean, she is a total slut for ASKING to have a kiss written into the script, would've been different if it was in the original script.
People always refer to their first kiss in their teens, but normally it actually occurs between 3 & 4 years of age, even though you always believe that you will get coodies afterward. I think a stolen little peck at this age is precious and innocent, so in my world that = beautiful.
My favourite - I've always had a softspot for all things weird, so this is no exception!
Sometimes kissing should just be fun, especially if there is only one piece of chocolate left and your man is as big a chocoholic as you are. Diffusion of the conflict and huge possibility of shagging, nothing wrong with that!
Boris Vallejo, I will be posting more of his pictures soon, with comments about why I like them.
Question: do you think this is a guy and girl or some girl on girl action?
People always refer to their first kiss in their teens, but normally it actually occurs between 3 & 4 years of age, even though you always believe that you will get coodies afterward. I think a stolen little peck at this age is precious and innocent, so in my world that = beautiful.
My favourite - I've always had a softspot for all things weird, so this is no exception!
Sometimes kissing should just be fun, especially if there is only one piece of chocolate left and your man is as big a chocoholic as you are. Diffusion of the conflict and huge possibility of shagging, nothing wrong with that!
Boris Vallejo, I will be posting more of his pictures soon, with comments about why I like them.
Question: do you think this is a guy and girl or some girl on girl action?
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