“Bloom where you’re planted.” ~ Mary Engelbreit

Nice enough quote, but not very practical. Let's say you're a cactus and you're planted in the middle of the amazon? You are effectively drowned by your surroundings, or a rosebush planted in a desert....

My friend from yesterday's post commented on the fact that I forwarded this quote and asked "Deep today aren't you?"

So, this post is especially for everyone who read this blog and think that I'm shallow. I am, there's no denying it. I watch reality shows on TV and blame my kids, saying that I'm only watching it because THEY want to. I read and believe and make up, silly omens. For instance, if the Blue Bulls are playing on homeground and they score first with a penalty, they will loose the game, if the opposing team scores 1st by penalty the bulls will win (for those who don't know The Bulls, check 'em out).
I have 2 smoke two cigarettes at night after I get into bed, otherwise I don't sleep. I believe that whatever you do comes back to you threefold, which is why I have a hard time breaking contact with people even if they are negative influences.

I have little quirks like not drinking sweetner in my first cup of coffee for the day, because life is artificial enough and the 1st cuppa is the one that really counts.

I believe that when my mother and grandmother go away at the same time bad things happen to me. In short, I am still a little girl, trapped in the body of a grown woman with the sexdrive to boot.

I can quite easily, loose myself in a good book or identify so completely with a song that I might mistake the writer for myself...

Mostly I am grossly misunderstood (aren't we all?), because people want to believe that I am something more than I really am. I am not intricate, I'm not complicated and, for the most part, I am not difficult. I don't want people to 'understand' me, that is is impossible, even for me, so instead of trying to 'understand' me, just love me the way I am.

This is the most complicated thing about being me and where I am in my life at the moment. I've had it with reinventing myself to be liked, I'm done with falling in with what other people expect me to be, I'm just me and for now, and the I'm hoping, from now on, that is enough for me.

So what if I go to sleep alone at night? So what if I have to take medication to keep my dragon of a sex life under control? So what if I decide that I'd rather be alone than with someone who expects more of me than I am willing to offer? So what if I decide that I prefer to be alone? So what if, in the end, that means that I will end up with an empty nest and no one to talk to when I'm 80?

The only 'what' that matters in these questions is: "what if I end up alone?" Considering where I've been and how long it's taken for me to realise that it really is okay to be alone with yourself and ENJOY the alone time, I'm thinking that maybe being alone, even if it is for longer than I normally would've liked is okay with me.

I think, other than having the two greatest kids in the world, this has been the most important accomplishment and realisation that I've ever had.

And you know what - I am 100% okay with that!!

So, for my dear friend, to whom I've decided to send the URL after a 90% 'yes' from all the testostorone infested readers - it's all good. Sexual tension is as normal as breathing and this too, eventually, shall pass. Keep your chin up and your willy under control and let's go out for dinner and a movie... or not, your call.