Continental Difference

My Boeta (the one that does CPR on broken bikes) lives in Canada. He's been there for way too long now. He is one of the bravest people I know. He thrived on being South-African: loved to braai, have a couple of cold ones with his buddies, watch rugby and get as emotional about it as us girls get about a soppy movie and I can honestly say that he is just an all around good guy.

I miss him terribly, more often than not, I wish that he was still a 5 minute drive away from me. When I miss him so much there is NOTHING in this world that can cheer me up. The only thing would be a hug from him and neither of us have the means to travel over 7 continents to get a hug in.

He is living there without any support system. Our entire family is in SA and him, his wife and three girls are alone over there. I think when times are bad it isn't so hard to be that far away, that's just how it works in our wonderfully disfunctional family. When the shit hits the fan we avoid seeing anybody and that, of course, causes everyone to KNOW that something is not right and then your have your doorstep abused by family....

My opinion in the matter is that it is at times of celebration that you miss your family and friends the most. Speaking from my own experience: when Abby was born my Mom was in Canada and that was, to me, worse not have her there when this little angel came into my life than it was when Mom wasn't here when she died.

Boeta has been really quiet over the e-mail waves, so I am assuming that there is something going on that he is hard on him. If I owned a house, this would be the time to take out a second morgage and fly his entire family back to good ol' SA for a holiday.

What you need to understand about Boeta is his inherent ability to always see the good in people and his naive stubborness to not accept that there are some scaly buggers out there. Because he has a heart of gold and there is always more space available for another person to fit into it, he has left a gap in our family that no-one will ever be able to fill. He was the one I went to when I felt like there was no good left in the world. He has the ability to always make all of us laugh, even just by dropping a one line e-mail he's able to make us giggle. He just has a way with words and he's as sharp as a brand new minora blade.

He's lived through more tough times than I would wish on my worst enemy, but he ALWAYS comes up smiling and that gave the rest of us hope. He taught me so many life lessons, without which I would 've given up on myself and a whole heap of other people, and that is yet another thing that I miss about him. I don't know a single person that has crossed his path that he hasn't infected with his natural enthusiasm and ability to make the best of even the most hair raising experiences.

He's as gentle as a puppy, which is why this e-mail makes me think about him everytime that I recieve it. Understand clearly - I'm not implying that he is not a dog, at least not in this post, although he has been seen sniffing around other bitches that are in heat...., but he has taken all the lessons that this puppy-mail offers and made it a part of his life and as I said, he is infectious with these lesson, because that is just the way he has always been, he doesn't have to force it or fake it, it comes naturally!

"If dogs were our teachers....

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience .

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps. They're good for you.

Stretch frequently.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On hot days, drink lots of water (beer) and lie under a shady tree (in front of the TV & watch sport).

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body [or just share with someone - then have a beer :o) ].

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout...just run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be Loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want what lies buried, dig until you find it.

And finally, when someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently."

I am grateful to have him in my live and wish that I could thank him in person, big hug and cold pint included, for being who he is and more than that: for always caring more about all of us more than he cared for himself and making sacrifices to help us when in actual fact, he was the one that needed help more than we did at times. BY doing that he taught us to not be selfish, leading by example and not be being judgemental. He is the sweetest person I know and I respect all the sacrifices he's had to make to keep his girls and his family from falling apart, even when it seemed, and I'm sure it sometimes still does, that he gave up so much for them. He has never complained or held a grudge for what it took for and from him to take them to a place where they would have a better chance of making a success of their lives.

I know, deep down, he misses homesoil like a mother misses a child that has passed on, yet no-one ever gets to hear it from his own mouth. I wish I could be there for him like he's always been there for me, but since I can't, I have forever immortalised him in this blog.

Thanks for being such a great example of how to enjoy the simplest things in life and on how to cherish what you DO have as opposed to focussing on what you don't have. You're the greatest and I love and miss you terribly.

New form of TORTURE

Right. Let's start living healthier and exercising, because the girls are getting boobies now and with that comes a roundness of the hips and the bum and the belly that wasn't there 6 months ago. Me trying to be the good Mum, realising that if my mom had known about this with me she probably would've done something likewise for me, we started exercising.

We started off with 10 push-ups, 10 legstretches, 10 leglifts, 10 belly exercises and 10 exercises that are supposed the minimise the size of your love handles. Everything is going famously, we moved up from 10 to 15 and then to 20 of each, not missing one routine - every morning and every night. I know, it doesn't sound impressive, but keep in mind I haven't had an exercise program since I was 18 (I'm now 31).

Between the years of 18 and 31 my idea of exercise was SENSORED, walking to the loo, the kitchen, doing washing and watching reality shows on TV (I get really involved and pissed off, so that HAS to burn some energy, right?). I've been fine with the exercises we've been doing, getting tired sure, but not feeling as though I'm going to die. I even began enjoying it....

...and then came my sis, ( I now understand why she is PERFECT for her study direction: LAW, you know how it goes: what do you call a dead attorney at the bottom of the ocean? A good start! I think I might just comply before she graduates!!) and her shitty idea. "Let me show you how to do lunges, they are very effective for your bum and pretty much your entire leg." So she showed us, didn't look like a biggy, we have, after all gotten into our routine already so this should be a piece of cake.

What is a lunge? A WAY TO TORTURE PERFECTLY INNOCENT PEOPLE!!!!! I have no idea why she hates us so much... I would rather be put into the infamous 'Iron Maiden' from the middle ages than 'lunge' again!

Holy shit - I can't get up from my chair, by the time I manage to drag my body upwards, my smoke break is over and 15 minutes of my day is gone. I am sure that there are new muscles in my ass and legs, because I HAVE to have torn the ones that I had to be in this much pain.

For those of you who don't know how it works: you take a giant step, legs bended at the knees, back leg, about 5cm off the floor, hands by your sides and body straight with your hands at your sides. Imagine Hitler's soldiers marching, but instead of lifting your leg high in front of you, you bend it almost to the ground behind you. You walk like this. Sounds easy enough, right? It is easy, but by the 10th step that you've taken, you will relate to why I compare it to Hitler. Lemme tell you, those soldiers had it easy!

Words that come to mind about the pain I'm in today: Excruciating, Tremendous, Unbelievable, Inexplicable and this one I could never understand in relation to the words pain, but now I do: Exquisite.

Do not try this, you will WANT to die, the very same night and the next morning you will need one of those lifts above your bed that can gently ease you into the wheelchair that you're gonna wish you had!

Some more pics to choose from

Yes, I know I've been posting a lot of kisses. Just want to make the reason for this very clear: a kiss is sometimes more intimate than sex, which is why I am so pissed off with the cow from Pirates of the Caribbean, she is a total slut for ASKING to have a kiss written into the script, would've been different if it was in the original script.

People always refer to their first kiss in their teens, but normally it actually occurs between 3 & 4 years of age, even though you always believe that you will get coodies afterward. I think a stolen little peck at this age is precious and innocent, so in my world that = beautiful.

My favourite - I've always had a softspot for all things weird, so this is no exception!

Sometimes kissing should just be fun, especially if there is only one piece of chocolate left and your man is as big a chocoholic as you are. Diffusion of the conflict and huge possibility of shagging, nothing wrong with that!


Boris Vallejo, I will be posting more of his pictures soon, with comments about why I like them.


Question: do you think this is a guy and girl or some girl on girl action?

Which one appeals to you most?

I hate Keira Knightley!!!!!

Cow.

I don't care if she sucks on Orlando's face till the back of his head caves in, but not the sexy one!!

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

"You look somewhat familiar. Have I treatened you before?"

"When you left me on that godforsaken spit of land you forgot one very important thing... I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!"

As mentioned in one of the previous posts, I adore both Pirates of the Caribbean movies, more so Johnny Depp, he was born to play Jack Sparrow. This post is dedicated to everyone who had ANYTHING to do with bringing Cap'n Jack to our theatres. There will be a follow-up post, this one is specifically dedicated to the 1st movie.

More so, it's dedicated to Captain Jack Sparrow - purely for perv purposes!

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Plot summary:

Pirates of the Caribbean is a sweeping action-adventure story set in an era when villainous pirates scavenged the Caribbean seas. This roller coaster tale teams a young man, Will Turner, with an unlikely ally in rogue pirate Jack Sparrow. Together, they must battle a band of the world's most treacherous pirates, led by the cursed Captain Barbossa, in order to save Elizabeth, the love of Will's life, as well as recover the lost treasure that Jack seeks. Against improbable odds, they race towards a thrilling, climactic confrontation on the mysterious Isla de Muerta. Clashing their swords in fiece mortal combat, Will and Jack attempt to recapture The Black Pearl ship, save the British navy, and relinquish a fortune in forbidden treasure thereby lifting the curse of the Pirates of the Caribbean.

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Take this quiz to see which Capt Jack stare is yours: My result "You are his... Shexy Stare. This is really self-explanatory, but I'll admit that those eyes sure have an inviting look to them! SHEXY!"

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Will finds Jack in the blacksmith shop after Jack managed to escape from custody and a swordfight starts:

Jack Sparrow: [looking at all the swords] Who makes all these?
Will Turner: I do. And I practice with them three hours a day.
Jack Sparrow: You need to find yourself a girl mate. Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch are you?
Will Turner: I practice three hours a day, so when I meet a pirate, I can kill it.

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Will decides to spring Jack from jail to help him find the Black Pearl and Elizabeth, who was kidnapped by the captain of the Pearl:

Jack Sparrow: What's your name?
Will Turner: Will Turner.
Jack Sparrow: That would be short for William, I imagine. Good strong name, no doubt named for your father, eh?
Will Turner: Yes.
Jack Sparrow: Well Mr. Turner, I've changed me mind. If you spring me from this cell, I swear on pain of death, I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonnie lass. Do we have an accord?
[puts out his hand]
Will Turner: Agreed.
[they shake hands]

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As Will and Jack get ready to make their way to commandeer a ship, Jack asks:

Jack Sparrow: One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going: This girl... how far are you willing to go to save her?
Will Turner: I'd die for her.
Jack Sparrow: Oh good. No worries then.

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Will and Jack: Will does not believe his father was a pirate, Jack hangs him overboard and explains:

Jack Sparrow: The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you'll have to square with that some day. And me, for example, I can let you drown, but I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy? So, can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?

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Will and Jack find Elizabeth and, of course, The Pearl and current captain of the Pearl:

Will Turner: Where's Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow: She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... except for, of course, Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.

Captain Barbossa maroons Jack and Elizabeth on the same island where Jack was marooned after Barbossa and the crew of his Pearl decided mutiny was the way to go:

Jack Sparrow: That's the second time I've had to watch that man sail away with my ship.
Elizabeth: But you were marooned on this island before, weren't you? So we can escape in the same way you did then.
Jack Sparrow: To what point and purpose, young missy? The Black Pearl is gone and unless you have a rudder and a lot of sails hidden in that bodice - unlikely - young Mr. Turner will be dead long before you can reach him.
Elizabeth: But you're Captain Jack Sparrow. You vanished from under the eyes of seven agents of the East India Company. You sacked Nassau Port without even firing a shot. Are you the pirate I've read about or not? How did you escape last time?
Jack Sparrow: Last time... I was here a grand total of three days, all right? Last time, the rum runners used this island as a cache, they came past and I was able to barter passage off. By the look of things, they've long been out of business. Probably have your bloody friend Norrington to thank for that.
Elizabeth: So that's it, then? That's the secret, grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow. You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum.
Jack Sparrow: Welcome to the Caribbean, love.

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Jack Sparrow: [Wakes up and sees Elizabeth making a huge fire] No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade... the rum!
Elizabeth: Yes, the rum is gone.
Jack Sparrow: Why is the rum gone?
Elizabeth: One: because it is a *vile* dring that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two: that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire royal navy is out looking for me, do you think there is even the slightest chance they wont see it?
Jack Sparrow: Yes, but why is the rum gone?

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As Jack arrives in Port Royal, he meets up with two English officers:

Murtogg: This dock is off-limits to civilians.
Jack Sparrow: I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately.
[Jack makes to continue but is blocked by Murtogg and Mullroy]
Jack Sparrow: Apparently there's some sort of high-toned and fancy to-do up at the fort, eh? How could it be that two upstanding gentlemen, such as yourselves, did not merit an invitation?
Murtogg: Someone's got to make sure that this dock stays off-limits to civilians.
Jack Sparrow: It's a fine goal, to be sure. But it seems to me... that a ship like that one, makes this one here seem a bit superfluous, really.
Murtogg: Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough. But there's no ship as can match the Interceptor for speed.
Jack Sparrow: I've heard of one, supposed to be very fast, nigh uncatchable: The Black Pearl.
Mullroy: Well, there's no real ship as can match the Interceptor.
Murtogg: The Black Pearl is a real ship.
Mullroy: No, it's not.
Murtogg: Yes it is, I've seen it.
Mullroy: You've seen it?
Murtogg: Yes.
Mullroy: You haven't seen it.
Murtogg: Yes, I have.
Mullroy: You've seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned, and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out?
Murtogg: No.
Mullroy: No.
Murtogg: But I have seen a ship with black sails.
[Jack quietly slips passed them unnoticed]

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Jack stands on the Dauntless, behind the wheel, after giving the two soldiers the slip:

Mullroy: What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?
Murtogg: Yeah, and no lies.
Jack Sparrow: Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.
Murtogg: I said no lies.
Mullroy: I think he's telling the truth.
Murtogg: If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
Jack Sparrow: Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you.

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Jack is caught and thrown into jail with other pirates...

Jack Sparrow: I know those cannons. It's the Pearl.
Man in Jail: The Black Pearl? I've heard stories. She's been preying on ships and settlements for near ten years. Never leaves any survivors.
Jack Sparrow: No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?

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Great site on the real history of pirates.

I agree with Katherine!

All about Jack.

Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed making it!!

Sound Health Advice

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO .... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

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Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

This one is for all of you that sometimes, like I do, have to deal with really stupid people at work.


....40 Things you'd love to Say out Loud at Work!!

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I'm out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here - I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I don't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh. I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision - I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny assed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a f-ing people person to you?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Oh, I get it. Like humour. Only different.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is finally done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun.
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
40. Wait a minute - I'm just trying to imagine you with a personality.

Define your life partner by taking this quiz..... Via Parenthesis

According to the quiz, I should have a Renaissance Man. That sounds about right: one of those would be just perfect, since they all died before 1799 :o)

So here's what I apparently want in a life partner: "This man is extremely passionate about everything you can think of. His interests run the gamut, from football scores to Dutch art, and he delves into all of his interests enthusiastically. Your man will do anything and go anywhere and most likely have a smile on his face the whole time. You'll constantly be mesmerised by how much information he soaks up and retains. Whether it's because he's extremely well cultured or due to his romantic nature, you can't help yourself falling for this bloke. Although he has a plethora of redeeming qualities, this great catch can be somewhat dotty. He can sometimes lose sight of reality and wind up living happily in the clouds. But when it comes down to it, that's exactly where this man will put you - on cloud nine."

Yeah right! If there is such a man alive, please apply, I'd love to meet someone from the Renaissanse years. Kate & Leopold?

Scenario:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Solution:

Get off the children's Merry-Go-Round, you're drunk.

Weekend ahead - I'm childless - A dilemma!

So, kids are going to their granny for the weekend. This is the first time in ages that I get to do what I want for the whole weekend. Sounds like fun, right? So why do I nothing exciting planned?

I wonder about what I did before they were around, what did I get up to over a weekend. I vaguely recall sleeping in till 11 on a Saturday, but I'll never be able to pull that off now. I need to get darker curtains for my bedroom, seriously. The rice paper colour isn't working for me anymore.

I have a book to read, but I'm not sure that it is what I want to be doing. I have the option of getting movies to watch, again not sure that I feel like doing that. I don't drink and I haven't been to a club in ages, besides, I can't imagine myself in a club full of teeny boppers high on whatever the latest drug craze is.

I don't feel like going out with just any friend and there is that one person that I feel like spending time with, but said person is in hiding out because of depression. I understand this, having been there myself, but damnit, it really spoils my plans.

Good news. I've decided that love is still out there and I will do my best to get married again. This being said, I would like you to take a close look at the candidates and comments below their photos....


Mr Depp, specifically in the role of Jack Sparrow. I can relate to his insanity and, well, he's always been one of my favorites, more so because he is married and unattainable.



Mr Diesel, according to all accounts and info on the internet, he's gay, which also makes him unattainable, and thus another 'safe' bet. Also, only in these roles: Riddick and Fast & Furious... I don't buy the 'good guy' thing from him and since I am can fantasize however I want, I'd prefer him as a bad boy as opposed to a babysitter.

Ah, Mr Hetfield, I've been wanting to marry him since I was 17 (I'm now 31 and he's still right up there in pole position!!!) My mom said I'd outgrow this - I haven't :o) sorry Ma! Once again nice and unavailable and I suspect he might need some help in keeping up with a feisty animal like myself - still willing to give a go though!

Grosse Point Blanc. Grrrrrrrrr!!! There are no words that can describe what I would, uhm, never mind. Again perfectly safely unattainable.

So to all of you that think I'm cynical and bitter and don't want to give love a go: you're wrong, I just have HIGH standards!

As you can see, my taste is specific, I'm not going to marry just anyone and lucky me: these guys live on the other side of the world, so I am safe in fantasizing about them - 7 continents is a looooooong way to go to even meet them.

On second thought - marriage is a sure fire way to kill passion, so maybe just an hour in private with them, one at a time..... sigh, a girl can dream!

Some people might find this funny - I find it completely logical, which is probably why the girls are flunking math?

This will be me 20 years from now.....
















....oh wait: it's me already and besides, I don't plan on living another 20 years!

From Skyrat to Scrat (published with his blessing)

Copyright of Scrat's picture

I have decided to change Skyrat’s name to Scrat (see picture above)

If you know Skyrat, you will be able to completely relate to why this is relevant, but since you don't let me explain:

1. He is hyperactive beyond belief. Sitting still is NOT an option, it is punishment for him and impossible to achieve. He is the ONLY grown-up that I know that had A.D.D. and he enjoys it!
2. He is ALWAYS trying to bury his nuts and various other parts…..
3. He is obsessed with his ‘treasured possessions’. In Scrat’s case, it is a acorn, in Skyrat’s case it is his skydiving, girlfriend and well, his nuts.
4. He always ends up in trouble, just when he thinks he has reached his goal (in other words, to bury and guard his nut (s)…)
5. He is adorable, just like Scrat, you can’t help but love him to pieces just because you KNOW as soon as he thinks everything is going his way, the world falls to pieces around him.
6. He sees what he wants, goes after it with gusto and energy and when he finally has it, he is so scared that something bad will happen to it, that he does his best to hide (bury) it!

I couldn’t help but see the resemblance between the two and the abbreviation SCRAT in this case goes as follows:

S = Sarcastic
C = Charming
R = Radical
A = Attentive (I was going to put Attractive, but his ego can't handle any more, he'll explode!!)
T = Toyboy

See, when you look at it from my perspective, it makes absolute sense!

I need a pair of these....


...I've been really tired, I mean the kind of tired that coffee doesn't cure, for about two weeks now. Is there anyone out there that has any USEFUL advise (in other words, Skyrat: please ignore this question) for a cure. I've been going to bed earlier and earlier, reaching a record low of +- 19:00 last nite, but I still feel like death warmed over.

It's fucking killing me.

Got this via e-mail. Sure it's 'cute', but I thought it needed some insightful comments from a girl's perspective. Comments in red

Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? I agree 100% with this statement, although 'simple' can be seen as a compliment, it should actually be guilable.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. There wouldn't have been a need for these if you weren't such an idiot. Why fuck up a good friendship by getting married? What is it with men and marriage anyway, what ever happened to the good ol' why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I know why: men are insecure and they assume once you marry them you are theirs, like a car or a lawnmower. Big no-no, remember guys, ringed pigeons fly best!
Chocolate is just another snack. Because men don't know how to appreciate the best things in life: chocolate, coffee and a whipped cream :o)
You can be President. The mind boggles, if there were women as presidents, there wouldn't be any wars, we'd TALK things out over a manicure. Wars are caused by over inflated ego's and sperm retention. Bill Clinton never started any wars.... who do we have to thank for that? Why Monica Lewinsky of course!
You can never be pregnant. Because you're too much of a pissy and wouldn't be abe to handle pregnancy, let alone childbirth or breastfeeding.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. And in both cases look like an idiot. Men tits are never attractive, and the guys that wear white t-shirts or no t-shirts to waterparks have men-tits in 85% of the cases. The ones that CAN wear them or go without them, in other words: those of you build like Vin Diesel, are either gay or married. The married ones will only be wearing them cause their wives wanted to brag.... See what I'M sleeping with! And we, as woman, know and respect this.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. Maybe, but you can't use your cleavage to get discount!!!!! Same applies for speeding tickets, accident scenes and any other activity that involves a man. Cleavage RULES!!
The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. And thus, you mostly have problems with poisen ivy infestation in all kinds of places other than arms, legs and MAYBE face, like we girls do. Ever had to rub ointment on someone else's balls? It is revolting - we do not really feel sorry for you, we giggle about it behind your back.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay. Not anymore!!!!
Wrinkles add character. Now there is a whopper. A fanny doesn't get wrinkels, but you guys do, trust me - I've seen it and it is NOT pretty.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. Again, this can be chalked up to you - most designers of wedding dresses are men, right? Which is why I am of the opinion that men came up with the idea - just another way to torture woman. I'm also a firm believer (and actually KNOW this for a fact: do ur own bloody research) that men created BRA'S and HIGH HEELS, not to mention the chastity belt.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. Except when you're in a water park. See comments above and then it strictly in revultion and horror.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. By your male friends, who, at the ripe age of 45 still haven't mastered this one little sentence: "Thank you for ______, it was really nice."
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Bullshit. Ever worn cowboy boots?
One mood all the time. Yeah, constant PMS, only you guys get to call it spermretention and it's a catch-22 situation - you act like a fart face, so you don't get laid, the less you get laid, the more of a fart face you become. This is another reason to love your vibrator :o)
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. So is sex!
You know stuff about tanks. Big whoop. We can do research if we really want to know about tanks, which we don't. Also we can cook off the top of our heads, do washing without staining all of it, think on our feet and use whatever you say completely out of context and convince you that's how you meant it..... the list is endless. Makes knowing 'stuff' about tanks seem kind of pathetic.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. And when we get there, we basically have to buy you a new wardrobe, cause the only logical thing you packed was your underwear. You did not bother to watch the weather forcast, so you packed all your summer clothes for our trip to Alaska. Brilliant. You might leave home with one suitcase, but you leave your destination with 2, one of them industrial size to fit in all the stuff we needed to buy.
You can open all your own jars. And? Actually, so do we, but how do you think we pick you up? Ask the cute guy next door to open the jar for you, show lots of cleavage and flutter your eyelashes. You never have to buy your own chocolates again!
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. For instance forgetting your caveman ancestors and thanking us for preparing yet another fantastic meal for you. You only show these moments if you've had sex recently, which, once again, you should thank us for.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Because every store knows that that is the ONLY thing a man takes on vacation. We, on the other hand, actually have NICE underwear. It goes with the cleavage thing and again, with our underwear we can get you to do anything. Your underwear doesn't turn ANYONE on.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. Your shoes have nothing to do with seduction. Imagine this: mini skirt, low cut top, pantyhose and a pair of stilletto's... eat your heart out!
You almost never have strap problems in public. We adjust our straps to direct your eyes to where we want it to be. Butt or boobs, depending on the outfit.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Which is why, when there is a stylishly dressed man around, all the woman stare and why men have constant whiplash, so many stylish woman around.. We also realise, if you are neatly dressed, you're either married or gay.
Everything on your face stays its original color. What a crock. Ever seen what you look like after a long night at the bar? Black rings under the eyes, greenish glow to skin and ever so often a blue eye and a broken nose. We can, if need be, hide all this with make-up and you will be none the wiser.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. Because there is so little of it left. Choose one to best hide the baldness hey?
You only have to shave your face and neck. We are confident enough to shave where we want and besides, all the hair you leave on makes you smell bad. Woman always smell nice, because we're hygenic.
You can play with toys all your life. But the toys WE get to play with when we are grown up are SO much better. Blow-up doll vs Vibrator..... we win, again.
Your belly usually hides your big hips. And then you spoil it all by going around without a shirt.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. Which is why more men suffer from frostbite. We know how to dress for the occasion, whatever it may be. Most wives buy their husband's clothes and 'dress' them before a big event, so they can at least resemble a stylish man. It lasts about 5 minutes, then the infamous belch and it's all over.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. Right, you keep telling yourself that and we'll keep laughing at you.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. Right after you belch and pick your nose.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. And we have freedom of choice on withholding sex as long as you don't oblige to our choice in the matter.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. And piss everyone off, even on Christmas.

No wonder men are happier!!!!!! They're not really, we just let them believe they are.