New form of TORTURE

Right. Let's start living healthier and exercising, because the girls are getting boobies now and with that comes a roundness of the hips and the bum and the belly that wasn't there 6 months ago. Me trying to be the good Mum, realising that if my mom had known about this with me she probably would've done something likewise for me, we started exercising.

We started off with 10 push-ups, 10 legstretches, 10 leglifts, 10 belly exercises and 10 exercises that are supposed the minimise the size of your love handles. Everything is going famously, we moved up from 10 to 15 and then to 20 of each, not missing one routine - every morning and every night. I know, it doesn't sound impressive, but keep in mind I haven't had an exercise program since I was 18 (I'm now 31).

Between the years of 18 and 31 my idea of exercise was SENSORED, walking to the loo, the kitchen, doing washing and watching reality shows on TV (I get really involved and pissed off, so that HAS to burn some energy, right?). I've been fine with the exercises we've been doing, getting tired sure, but not feeling as though I'm going to die. I even began enjoying it....

...and then came my sis, ( I now understand why she is PERFECT for her study direction: LAW, you know how it goes: what do you call a dead attorney at the bottom of the ocean? A good start! I think I might just comply before she graduates!!) and her shitty idea. "Let me show you how to do lunges, they are very effective for your bum and pretty much your entire leg." So she showed us, didn't look like a biggy, we have, after all gotten into our routine already so this should be a piece of cake.

What is a lunge? A WAY TO TORTURE PERFECTLY INNOCENT PEOPLE!!!!! I have no idea why she hates us so much... I would rather be put into the infamous 'Iron Maiden' from the middle ages than 'lunge' again!

Holy shit - I can't get up from my chair, by the time I manage to drag my body upwards, my smoke break is over and 15 minutes of my day is gone. I am sure that there are new muscles in my ass and legs, because I HAVE to have torn the ones that I had to be in this much pain.

For those of you who don't know how it works: you take a giant step, legs bended at the knees, back leg, about 5cm off the floor, hands by your sides and body straight with your hands at your sides. Imagine Hitler's soldiers marching, but instead of lifting your leg high in front of you, you bend it almost to the ground behind you. You walk like this. Sounds easy enough, right? It is easy, but by the 10th step that you've taken, you will relate to why I compare it to Hitler. Lemme tell you, those soldiers had it easy!

Words that come to mind about the pain I'm in today: Excruciating, Tremendous, Unbelievable, Inexplicable and this one I could never understand in relation to the words pain, but now I do: Exquisite.

Do not try this, you will WANT to die, the very same night and the next morning you will need one of those lifts above your bed that can gently ease you into the wheelchair that you're gonna wish you had!