Why you should NEVER take your husband shopping

This is an old one, but since I am doing 'classics' today, I had to post it. I've read it over and over and it still makes me laugh every time!!

Mrs. Fenton,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with
us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses
over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.

MEMO

Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done
while his spouse/partner is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
   
   
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
   
   
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
   
   
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
   
   
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
   
   
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
   
   
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
   
   
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
   
   
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and proceeded to pick his nose.
   
   
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
    
    
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
    
    
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
    
    
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
    
    
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
    
    (And; last, but not least!)
    
    
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"